Here's why you should establish family values (and how to do it)
Clinically reviewed by Dr. Chris Mosunic, PhD, RD, MBA
Did you grow up with Sunday suppers and chore charts? These are examples of family values in action. Explore 7 examples of family values and how to establish your own.
Did your family always eat dinner together? Or write thank-you notes after receiving gifts? Was there a swear jar? Or a consequence for lying?
Chores, house rules, boundaries, and consequences might have felt baffling until you learned, in time, what they were all about — family values.
These requirements can feel frustrating to a kid, (or even suffocating to a teen), but they also help shape you into the person you are today. Family values are like an invisible glue, holding you all together when life gets messy. They guide how you treat each other, how you show up for the people you love, and how you move through the world.
Now, as an adult, you may be wondering what your values are and how you can add them to your own family life. Even if your family lacked values when you were growing up, or you don’t agree with how you were raised, you now get to decide what values define your household.
Unsure where to begin? Let’s explore what family values really mean, why they matter, and how to bring them into your daily life.
What are family values?
Family values are the guiding principles that shape how a family interacts, makes decisions, and handles challenges. But these values aren’t one-size-fits-all.
Some, like kindness and honesty, are universal, while others are shaped by culture, faith, or personal experience and are unique to each person and each family.
Some families have simple values like spending time together at the dinner table, working hard in school, and always being honest with each other. Others have more detailed values like saving and spending money wisely, or having restrictions around when teens are allowed to start dating or using social media.
As you create your own principles for your home, you might want to recreate some of the values you were raised with, or you might want to throw them out entirely and start from scratch. It’s all okay!
Creating family values allows you to be intentional about the kind of environment you create, rather than letting things unfold by default, or letting old habits die hard.
Why are family values important?
Think of family values as a compass. When challenges arise, these guideposts help point you in the right direction. If you're thinking of making a career change or moving out of state to attend school, your family values might help inform your decision. When you’re considering entering into a relationship or business partnership, you might evaluate a potential partner based on your values.
This internal compass provides a sense of stability, ensuring that no matter what changes around you, your family has a shared foundation to return to.
Here’s why strong family values matter:
They provide a moral compass: When faced with tough decisions, having clear values helps guide choices.
They create a sense of belonging: Families aren’t just a group of people living under the same roof. Values create a sense of identity. It’s a feeling of, “This is who we are, and this is how we show up for each other.”
They create meaningful traditions: Ever wonder why some childhood memories stick with you? It’s often because they were tied to family values — like a weekly dinner with extended family (that reinforced the importance of quality time), or always saying “I love you” before bed (to show appreciation.)
They strengthen resilience: Life isn’t always easy, but families with strong values tend to navigate hardships with more ease. When respect, trust, and support are ingrained in your family’s culture, it’s easier to lean on each other in difficult times.
They shape future generations: The values you live by today don’t just impact your immediate family circle — they ripple outward, influencing the next generation and beyond if you choose to continue them with your own family.
At the end of the day, family values aren’t just about the big moments — they’re about the tiny, everyday choices that shape the way you move through your life.
7 types of family values (with examples)
Family values come in all shapes and sizes. Some are passed down through generations, others are shaped by personal experiences, and many evolve as families grow and change. It’s important to remember that there’s no single “right” set of values. What matters most is choosing the ones that feel meaningful to your family and finding ways to weave them into your life. Here are a few examples.
1. Respect
Respect is one of those values that sounds obvious, yet it requires daily effort. It’s about treating others with compassion, listening without interrupting, and honoring differences, even when you don’t agree.
Try this:
Model respect: Speak to your partner, kids, and even strangers with the same respect you expect from them. Kids learn more from watching than listening.
Pause before reacting: If someone in your family says or does something frustrating, take a breath before responding. Mindfulness allows you to choose respect over reactivity.
Set respect rules: A simple rule like, “We let each other finish speaking before responding” can reinforce the habit of listening with care.
2. Kindness
Kindness isn’t just about grand gestures, it’s about the small things that add up over time. It might be small actions like a smile, a comforting hug, or holding the door open. Or it might be larger gestures like, choosing patience when you feel short-tempered. Families who prioritize kindness create a home where everyone feels valued and supported.
Try this:
Start a kindness check-in at dinner: Each family member shares one kind thing they did or witnessed that day. Or something they plan to do tomorrow.
Encourage small, unexpected acts of kindness: Consider writing a note of appreciation to a sibling or surprising a partner with their favorite snack. If you want to take it to the next level, discuss ways you can help your community like donating books to the local library, or taking supplies to your local shelter or fire station.
Use mindful reflection: If someone has a tough day, take a moment to breathe together and remind each other that kindness starts with self-kindness.
Read more: How to *actually* practice self-compassion? Try these 5 exercises
3. Gratitude
It’s easy to focus on what’s missing, but gratitude shifts the perspective to what you already have. Teaching kids (and reminding yourself) to appreciate the simple joys, like a sunny day, a good meal, or a heartfelt conversation, can cultivate happiness and resilience. Here are 10 ways to practice gratitude and the benefits.
Try this:
Create a gratitude jar: This can be a jar where family members drop in notes about things they’re thankful for. You can read them together at the end of the week.
Make gratitude a bedtime ritual: Before saying goodnight, share a few things you’re grateful for from the day. If the day was a hard one, share what you’re grateful for in life.
Create a good news book or box: Anytime a family member gets good news, or accomplishes a goal, write it down in a book or write a note and drop it in a box. You can read these “highlights” at the end of the year.
💙 Learn more about gratitude during the Gratitude masterclass led by Tamara Levitt.
4. Honesty
Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth — it’s about living truthfully. Creating an environment where family members feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or punishment is a healthier environment for both parents and children.
Try this:
Create a “truth-safe” space: Let kids know they won’t get in trouble for telling the truth (even when they’ve made mistakes). This builds trust.
Let them write you a note: Let your kids know that they can ask you anything. If they’re embarrassed to ask you in person, tell them to leave you a note on your nightstand, and you’ll respond with an honest answer.
Lead with vulnerability: If you made a mistake, admit it. Saying “I was wrong, and I’m sorry” shows honesty in action.
5. Responsibility
Responsibility teaches accountability, not just when it comes to chores and homework. We’re talking accountability for their words, actions, and how they treat others. A responsible family is one where everyone contributes, supports each other, and takes ownership of their choices.
Try this:
Give kids autonomy in their responsibilities: Let them choose which chores they take on or how they tackle their homework.
Reinforce the power of follow-through: “We keep our promises, even when it’s inconvenient.”
Turn mistakes into learning moments: Instead of punishment, ask, “What can we do differently next time?”
💙 Explore our Conscious Parenting masterclass to learn more.
6. Open communication
A family that communicates openly creates a home where everyone feels heard. It’s about making space for emotions, listening without judgment, and normalizing difficult conversations.
Try this:
Practice active listening: Put down your phone, make eye contact, and show that you’re fully present when someone is speaking.
Encourage emotional vocabulary: Instead of just asking, “How was your day?” try, “What was the best and hardest part of today?”
Model openness: Share your own feelings with your kids so they feel safe sharing theirs.
Read more: 8 active listening techniques to improve communication
7. Quality time
With busy schedules and endless digital distractions, intentional family time is more important than ever. Quality time doesn’t have to be extravagant — it’s about making the moments you do have count.
Try this:
Create tech-free zones: Maybe after school, at mealtimes, or bedtime.
Have “mini rituals”: Whether it’s Saturday morning pancakes, after-dinner walks, or five minutes of one-on-one time before bed.
Practice presence: When spending time together, focus on the moment, not the next thing on your to-do list. Your family members will appreciate and notice your time and energy, even if they don’t say anything about it.
How to establish values that make sense for your family
So, you’re ready to establish (or strengthen) your family values, but where do you start? The good news is that family values aren’t built in a single day. They grow over time, through small, meaningful moments and mindful choices.
This isn’t about creating a rigid rulebook or making sure every family member behaves perfectly. Instead, it’s about setting a foundation and shared understanding of what matters most to you all so that when life gets busy or messy you have something steady to come back to.
Here are some simple yet powerful ways to establish strong, lasting family values.
Reflect on what truly matters to your family
This will vary from person to person or culture to culture. You could discuss what mattered to you when you were young with your partner and create a mixture of each of your shared values, or the ones that felt most important.
You get to throw out anything from your own upbringing that feels dated, inappropriate, or inapplicable to your life and family.
Involve the whole family in the process
Having family meetings to discuss your values and household rules can be a great way to make everyone feel like they’re an equal participant.
Maybe this means letting everyone pick a tradition, or letting everyone toss ideas into a hat and choosing which one you’ll focus on each week.
Lead by example because values are lived, not just taught
Children learn by the behavior their parents model for them, so if you are a parent who wants to instill values in your kids, make sure you’re walking the walk, not just talking the talk.
If you’re telling your kids that work life balance is important, don’t be the person checking emails well after dinner time.
Create traditions that reinforce values
Sometimes kids are more eager to be involved in important traditions when they’re fun and interesting.
If you want to instill the value of quality time, make it a fun ritual like movie night, family game time, or even cooking meals together. If you want to instill the value of kindness and community, take them to volunteer and help out in your town or city.
Embrace flexibility because values evolve as your family grows
Maybe you were really structured with your kids about bedtime when they were little, but they’re older now and can stay up a little bit later. As your family grows, your values can grow with them.
Establishing family values isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence. It’s about making small, mindful choices each day that reinforce what truly matters. Whether it’s pausing before reacting (here are five tips to help), showing up with kindness, or creating traditions that create connection, every effort adds up.
Family values FAQs
How do you define family values?
Family values are the guiding principles that shape how a family interacts, supports one another, and makes decisions. They influence everything from the way conflicts are handled to the traditions that are celebrated.
They can be moral values, like honesty and kindness, or lifestyle values, like prioritizing quality time or fostering open communication. Ultimately, family values create a sense of identity and belonging, helping each member feel grounded in something bigger than themselves.
What are the different types of family values?
Family values can be categorized in many ways, but they generally fall into a few key areas.
Moral values guide behavior and character, like integrity, kindness, and fairness.
Social values shape how family members interact with each other and the world, including respect, open communication, and generosity.
Practical values influence daily habits and responsibilities, such as hard work, self-discipline, and financial responsibility.
Cultural or religious values can reflect a family’s traditions, heritage, or spiritual beliefs.
Each family’s mix of values is unique, evolving over time as life changes and new experiences shape perspectives.
What are the most important family values?
The most important family values are the ones that align with what feels right for your family and create a positive, supportive environment. But some values tend to be universal across strong families.
Respect creates healthy relationships by ensuring that every family member feels heard and valued.
Kindness and empathy help create a home filled with warmth and understanding. Honesty builds trust, while responsibility encourages accountability.
Prioritizing quality time strengthens bonds, and gratitude cultivates appreciation for one another.
While the “most important” values may vary from family to family, the key is choosing values that create a foundation of love, support, and connection.
How can you determine if you have good family values?
Good family values aren’t about perfection, they’re about consistency and intention. A family with strong values will have an environment where everyone feels safe, respected, and supported. One way to assess your family values is to observe how they show up in daily life.
Do family members treat each other and themselves with kindness, even during disagreements? Is honesty encouraged, even when the truth is difficult? Are responsibilities shared in a way that feels fair?
Good values aren’t just talked about; they’re lived in the little moments — how you greet each other in the morning, how you handle frustration, and how you celebrate each other’s successes. If your values foster love, trust, and connection, then you’re on the right path.
What should I consider to instill strong family values?
Instilling strong family values requires a mix of intention, consistency, and flexibility. First, consider what values truly matter to your family — not just the ones you think you should have, but the ones that feel meaningful. Then, look for ways to bring those values into everyday life.
Modeling is key because children and partners will absorb values more through actions than words. Small, consistent traditions, like gratitude check-ins at dinner or tech-free time before bed, can reinforce values naturally. It’s also important to create a home where open conversations are encouraged, allowing values to be discussed and adapted as needed.
Strong family values don’t mean rigid rules, they mean guiding principles that evolve and grow alongside your family.
Calm your mind. Change your life.
Mental health is hard. Getting support doesn't have to be. The Calm app puts the tools to feel better in your back pocket, with personalized content to manage stress and anxiety, get better sleep, and feel more present in your life.
Images: Getty
